Week 9- Revisiting Last Week's Journal Entry

After re-visiting the Holly article we read for this class a couple weeks ago, I decided to try introspective writing. According to Holly, this writing style is “the most challenging and disconcerting type of writing” (12). With this style, I am supposed to examine my own writing and wonder, “Why did I do/feel/think that?” (12). As ego-centric people who do not like realizing that we have faults, this can be an uncomfortable experience. Just thinking about it for myself makes me think, “I have my reasons for thinking and feeling how I do…how can I ask myself why?” But, I am going to try by re-visiting my journal entry from last week. I was tempted to write this week’s journal entry last week since I had the time and my writing was fresh in my mind but then realized that would take away from the reflection experience. I need time for “distortion and increased understanding” (10). As you can see from last week’s entry, I had already allowed time to pass before copying my journal onto this blog and began to write my own reflection thoughts and questions. I will engage in the same kind of behavior now…

-        -   I often write what Ty is doing but not the other children. I feel that my focus has shifted so much to her and her observable behaviors that I am blinded by the environment. This can take away from interactions with other students, eliminate possible stimuli for her behaviors, and distort the focus of my journals. It’s as if I’m looking for negative aspects of Ty’s behavior. Why? So I can justify my reasons for wanting to help her more than the other children? I feel kind of guilty for giving her attention and my focus instead of the other children.

-       -    I fail to put what time of day it is when I am observing. Do I think this is irrelevant? This could indicate patterns in her behaviors yet I have never thought about that before. I also do not indicate how long a behavior lasts for (such as her looking around at things in the classroom). This could also indicate patterns in her behaviors and may even have some significant meaning. I have holes in my data collection and don’t even realize it. I’m much too focused on what she is doing without also considering how long and why she might be doing it.

-         -  As I re-read the journal entry, I realize that I was not looking at Ty the whole time because I do not know what provoked her to look at Alexis and start giggling. Was I writing or looking at my co-teacher and what she was doing? The more I reflect on all of this, the more I realize I do not know how to properly journal so it is clear to me and any other readers what EXACTLY is taking place in the classroom (i.e., stimuli for Ty’s behaviors, when behaviors are taking place and for how long). 

-       -    Finally, why do I feel that Ty is not paying attention? Because she prefers to stand or rock in her chair rather than sit up straight and look at the teacher? Not all students learn the same (or as I do) and she may feel confined if she were forced to sit straight. 

-          - Also, why do I feel the need to include my thoughts and feelings so much (even just slightly)? How can I have a truly objective view? I have been taught to be empathetic all of my life yet I still seem to be judging this student.

Week 8- First in-class journal entry

As the title indicates, this is my first true journal entry taken straight from the journal I used in the classroom the other day. It is all observation. The writing in red are my responses as I re-visit and copy my journal entry. 

March 19, 2013
Where: Whole group instruction in the classroom
Who: Ms. Parsons (my co-teaching partner) was teaching/reviewing food groups
What: Calling on individual students to say which food they cut out from a magazine and which group it belonged to
- Ty is sitting sideways in her chair, rocking back and forth, one hand near her mouth
- She makes a bubble with her mouth as she looks around; behind her, at the pictures from the magazine that are on her desk and in her hand (while Ms. Parsons is talking/ explaining other students' responses)
- " I got ice cream!" (Ty says...but when and in reference to what?)
- When Ty is looking intently at something, she is not listening to the teacher because she doesn't answer questions or look up to respond (how do I know that she isn't listening just because of these observable characteristics?)
- (Teacher asks:) "Who else has a picture of a fruit?"
- (Ty responds:) "Me!" And holds up her picture.
- Ty then stood up instead of sitting and leaned forward on her desk (When did she do this? I remember it was once she came back from the board but how would someone else know if I don't included that?)
- Sits back down and peers into her desk.
- When Alexis went to the bathroom, she looked at the bathroom door. (another student who is seated all by herself towards the back of the room because she is considered a distraction to the teacher and other students)
- Ty looked at another student who walked by to go to the bathroom and watched her for about a minute as she put a plastic bag from her desk into her mouth and bit on it. ("about" a minute? exact timing if possible.)
- (Teacher asks:) "Who else has an oil?"
- (Ty looked at me) "I think I have an oil." (What happened after? What time is all of this taking place?)
- Ty was turned away from the board looking at Alexis, giggling and making funny faces. (At this point, I have to get on to Ty and warn her that if she looks at Alexis again and doesn't pay attention, she has to move her clip).
- As Mrs. Mudry is explaining food groups, Ty is looking at me, twirling a picture on her desk.  

Conclusions
- I need to indicate time for each event as it occurs 
- I need to explain what else is going on in the classroom. For instance, if Ty was distracted by Alexis, what was Alexis doing during whole group instruction to feel distracted or provoke Ty?
- I need to observe throughout the whole lesson, not just end the recordings wherever I feel like stopping.
- I need to be conscious of my thoughts and feelings and how they influence what I observe (i.e., "she is not listening to the teacher"). The only evidence I thought I had of this was her not answering questions or looking up at the teacher to respond chorally with the rest of the class. 
- I also noted at the top of my paper two things:
       (1) Rocking in chair= distracting?
       (2) Appropriate things on desk for lesson
I think I included these because I had my inquiry in mind. I know that Ty needs just one behavior to focus all her attention on and I was trying to focus on which one would be most beneficial in her case. *Later that week, she was playing with things in her desk which weren't related to the lesson. I thought I would focus on her not rocking but maybe that helps her focus? If she has a particular disorder, maybe she can't help but rock. 

Just by revisiting this journal entry that took place only one week ago, it has already opened my eyes to the things I need to work on when observing and journaling. I also realized that I could barely remember this part of the day without these notes to jog my memory. It was very insightful. I wonder how difficult it would be to effectively journal if I were teaching since I took these notes AS the event was happening. Would they be as accurate?    

Week 7- Inquiry development

This week, I have started to dig much deeper into my inquiry and thinking about the girl I will be observing and developing an inquiry about. I am hoping to see how a visual cue card system will help “Ty” be more focused and complete assignments on time. She has many assignments that are started but never get finished. I feel that Ty needs help in conducting everyday tasks such as organizing her desk and going to the restroom. As I begin to think about my inquiry, I wonder if shifting my focus from an academic one to a more social one would be more appropriate to help Ty develop her skills in and out of the classroom. I began to think that if I could help her in these other areas, she would begin to feel more confident in herself and her academics will begin to improve naturally. What I am having trouble with, however, is deciding what skill to focus on specifically so she does not feel overwhelmed. Also, I am still currently researching the most effective way to praise and offer some sort of reward system, which I also believe would benefit her greatly, encouraging her to do her best. 

I’m realizing I have many more questions than I do answers. If I use a visual cue card system, should I use pictures of Ty and how she should be engaged during whole group? If I choose to focus on one particular skill, which would be the most beneficial for Ty? She seems easily distracted during whole group instruction. She does not look at the board while the teacher is up there writing something, when all she has to do is copy (i.e., math worksheet, handwriting). The more I think about it, the more I believe she just needs to learn to be “in the room”, so to speak. When I turn around from the board to look at her, I want to see her eyes either on me or on her paper as she’s writing. Is this what I should be focusing on? 

Inquiry is something that is very beneficial but always makes me uncomfortable in the beginning. The most difficult part of an inquiry is refining the wondering and trying to figure out what you’re truly trying to implement/ improve, especially when it comes to one particular student. All I do know is that I want to help this student more than anything because it seems that everyone else expects her to fail. Our teacher says things about Ty (sometimes right in front of her) and I don’t think she realizes how that impacts the way she interacts with Ty. Do not misunderstand, I think my mentor teacher is a great teacher, I just think she lacks consistency, which is something that Ty is in dire need of. 

I know that this child is probably going to have to experience RtI in the near future and, with her lack of social and academic skills, she may indeed fail kindergarten. However, I refuse to think this way. I am determined to teach this child AT LEAST one new skill that will benefit her success in and out of the classroom. My biggest confusion/ question at this point is, how do I get there? What are the key components for this? Does anyone have any tips/ words of wisdom for me?

Week 6 - Collaborative Work

As I mentioned in my post last week, my four team members and I have been working on a lesson study and have gotten the opportunity to de-brief in meetings together several times. Thinking about these de-briefing sessions, I have noticed several things about myself and my peers.

The first realization I have had during this lesson study experience is that all educators, whether forced or not, will have to interact and work with other educators at one point or another in this profession. With the push of inclusion and wide resources available online, the field of education has never been more collaborative. This collaboration, however, includes working with people who have different ideas, values, and methods of teaching than I do. While engaging in healthy discourse with my peers at these de-briefing sessions, I have noticed that it is much more difficult for me to speak up for myself and hold my ground than it is for my four other team members. I notice I am often held back by negative thoughts, which include, "What if it's not that great of an idea?" or "What if there is something wrong with this idea that I haven't forseen yet? I don't want to look incompetent." I would consider myself a "people-pleaser" and also value the opinions and judgments that others make of me. I am beginning to realize that if I come into a meeting like this with these types of thoughts about my own ideas, I am never going to come across to my peers (or superiors) as competent, confident, and capable. Therefore, as a way to address this issue, I am going to start thinking more positively about my ideas and how what I suggest can only help a situation rather than hinder it, since I'm offering any advice or idea at all. If I envision myself as a person who can stand up for herself and proudly state what she wants to say, I think I will begin to receive much more positive feedback from those I am discussing ideas with.

At the same time, however, I have often grown tired of not speaking up and then somehow muster the courage to do so. When I finally speak up for myself, I sometimes find my ideas being turned down in a way that is quite different from how I would approach this type of rejection. Also, rather than hearing just one team member's idea about why my idea is not suitable for the lesson or in solving a problem, I usually will hear things from other members, too, either in agreement or to add to why it would not be a suitable solution to our problem. Once this happens, I can't help but feel inferior and tend to withdrawal, having to wait until I gain some more confidence to stand up and say something again. I understand that most people will not disagree in the same manner that I do and I must learn how to interact (and reach a solution) with everyone involved in the group. The process of learning these skills, however, has been a confusing and difficult one...one that is still in progress. How can I effectively stand up for myself and show that my ideas deserve to be heard? How can I be more assertive without coming across as rude or selfish of my own thoughts and ideas? How do I interact and make decisions with others who have completely different personality styles than me?