As I mentioned in my post last week, my four team members and I have been working on a lesson study and have gotten the opportunity to de-brief in meetings together several times. Thinking about these de-briefing sessions, I have noticed several things about myself and my peers.
The first realization I have had during this lesson study experience is that all educators, whether forced or not, will have to interact and work with other educators at one point or another in this profession. With the push of inclusion and wide resources available online, the field of education has never been more collaborative. This collaboration, however, includes working with people who have different ideas, values, and methods of teaching than I do. While engaging in healthy discourse with my peers at these de-briefing sessions, I have noticed that it is much more difficult for me to speak up for myself and hold my ground than it is for my four other team members. I notice I am often held back by negative thoughts, which include, "What if it's not that great of an idea?" or "What if there is something wrong with this idea that I haven't forseen yet? I don't want to look incompetent." I would consider myself a "people-pleaser" and also value the opinions and judgments that others make of me. I am beginning to realize that if I come into a meeting like this with these types of thoughts about my own ideas, I am never going to come across to my peers (or superiors) as competent, confident, and capable. Therefore, as a way to address this issue, I am going to start thinking more positively about my ideas and how what I suggest can only help a situation rather than hinder it, since I'm offering any advice or idea at all. If I envision myself as a person who can stand up for herself and proudly state what she wants to say, I think I will begin to receive much more positive feedback from those I am discussing ideas with.
At the same time, however, I have often grown tired of not speaking up and then somehow muster the courage to do so. When I finally speak up for myself, I sometimes find my ideas being turned down in a way that is quite different from how I would approach this type of rejection. Also, rather than hearing just one team member's idea about why my idea is not suitable for the lesson or in solving a problem, I usually will hear things from other members, too, either in agreement or to add to why it would not be a suitable solution to our problem. Once this happens, I can't help but feel inferior and tend to withdrawal, having to wait until I gain some more confidence to stand up and say something again. I understand that most people will not disagree in the same manner that I do and I must learn how to interact (and reach a solution) with everyone involved in the group. The process of learning these skills, however, has been a confusing and difficult one...one that is still in progress. How can I effectively stand up for myself and show that my ideas deserve to be heard? How can I be more assertive without coming across as rude or selfish of my own thoughts and ideas? How do I interact and make decisions with others who have completely different personality styles than me?
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