After re-visiting the Holly
article we read for this class a couple weeks ago, I decided to try
introspective writing. According to Holly, this writing style is “the most
challenging and disconcerting type of writing” (12). With this style, I am
supposed to examine my own writing and wonder, “Why did I do/feel/think that?”
(12). As ego-centric people who do not like realizing that we have faults, this
can be an uncomfortable experience. Just thinking about it for myself makes me
think, “I have my reasons for thinking and feeling how I do…how can I ask
myself why?” But, I am going to try by re-visiting my journal entry from last
week. I was tempted to write this week’s journal entry last week since I had the
time and my writing was fresh in my mind but then realized that would take away
from the reflection experience. I need time for “distortion and increased
understanding” (10). As you can see from last week’s entry, I had already
allowed time to pass before copying my journal onto this blog and began to
write my own reflection thoughts and questions. I will engage in the same kind
of behavior now…
- -
I often write
what Ty is doing but not the other children. I feel that my focus has shifted so
much to her and her observable behaviors that I am blinded by the environment.
This can take away from interactions with other students, eliminate possible
stimuli for her behaviors, and distort the focus of my journals. It’s as if I’m
looking for negative aspects of Ty’s behavior. Why? So I can justify my reasons
for wanting to help her more than the other children? I feel kind of guilty for
giving her attention and my focus instead of the other children.
- -
I fail to put
what time of day it is when I am observing. Do I think this is irrelevant? This
could indicate patterns in her behaviors yet I have never thought about that
before. I also do not indicate how long a behavior lasts for (such as her looking
around at things in the classroom). This could also indicate patterns in her
behaviors and may even have some significant meaning. I have holes in my data
collection and don’t even realize it. I’m much too focused on what she is doing without also considering
how long and why she might be doing it.
- -
As I re-read the
journal entry, I realize that I was not looking at Ty the whole time because I
do not know what provoked her to look at Alexis and start giggling. Was I
writing or looking at my co-teacher and what she was doing? The more I reflect
on all of this, the more I realize I do not know how to properly journal so it
is clear to me and any other readers what EXACTLY is taking place in the
classroom (i.e., stimuli for Ty’s behaviors, when behaviors are taking place
and for how long).
- -
Finally, why do I
feel that Ty is not paying attention? Because she prefers to stand or rock in
her chair rather than sit up straight and look at the teacher? Not all students
learn the same (or as I do) and she may feel confined if she were forced to sit
straight.
-
- Also, why do I
feel the need to include my thoughts and feelings so much (even just slightly)?
How can I have a truly objective view? I have been taught to be empathetic all
of my life yet I still seem to be judging this student.
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